relationships

“R” is for Ruby Wedding-ABC Celebrations

Posted on by Debbie

Forty years we have been married!  I was just 17 when we met, he was 21.  In a nutshell, we spent every minute together of that first three weeks after meeting.  It was an intensive, accelerated summer romance. Then he proposed.

We knew we would be separated by distance.  He had a year long contract in the Middle East to fulfill.  I was about to start University.

Before he asked the question, I remember walking on the beach one night, holding hands.  I had a strong vision of an old married couple doing the same thing.  Somehow I knew it was us.  I had found my best friend that summer. Somehow I knew to trust myself and hang on.

We would spend the first year of our engagement in different countries,  We were about as far apart physically as we would ever be.

This was a time long before cell phone and facebook had made it possible to communicate.  At $8 per minute, even phone calls were a luxury, so we wrote.  Every day, we would talk about our lives, although looking back at it, it is really funny to see more “I Love You’s” scrawled across the pages than any substance to what was happening in our days.

This is what young love is, pure passion.  Yet there has always been something deeper with Alan and I.  Even in those early moments, if one of us had a headache, the other was experiencing the same.  Our roots have always intertwined until we could no longer tell where one of us starts and the other ends.  We are symbiotic.

We were married just 18 months after meeting for the first time.  Since then there have been 3 children, all boys.  We have had 3 cats and 2 dogs, numerous fish and a couple of lizards.  We have been self employed for most of these years.

So now it is forty years later and we are indeed that old couple walking hand in hand on the beach.

What would my letter look like to him today?  What do you say to someone who is your entire world?  To that person who knows you almost as well as you know yourself? What do you say to a man who has held steadfastly to love and upheld ever vow he made?

If I would write a letter today, I would still probably fill it with “I love you’s” but there would be so much more depth to the words as we both reflect what they really mean.

I often ponder what wisdom I can offer young couples.  I think the most profound thought is that the words “I do” are very simple, but you can never really understand what it is to be a committed partner.

I do means you will still cherish the person, even on the days you don’t like them.

I do means you will stand by through the most difficult of challenges…babies, teenagers, menopause/manopause, job loss, career changes, financial challenges, body changes, illness…

I do means a respect an honor of the relationship.

I do means you will endure and endear through it all.

So today, as we celebrate our Ruby Anniversary, I am told that Rubies are as precious as diamonds.  I believe this.  We are so lucky to be here.  We have been gifted 40 wonderful years together.

We skipped out of the church on our wedding day, we have overcome many of life’s challenges and somehow we came through it all.

The rest of the journey seems easy now.

Today we celebrated under the Marquee…him saying he wanted me to “see my name in lights”.  I am incredibly blessed by this man.  After 40 years, he is still my best friend. What an amazing adventure we have had together.

 

 

“G” is for “Gorgeous Gardens”-Gaylord, Michigan

Posted on by Debbie

 

Flowers and gardens are often part of our ABC Adventures.  As I researched things to do in the Gaylord area, I was more than just a little curious about the description of the Demonstration Gardens, since it had been described as having been created from a waste area.    I wondered if it would be worth a visit.  We had already explored the little town of Gaylord for our “G” but we had a little time available and the gardens are free, so we decided to add a little detour.  We asked several locals, but no one seemed to have heard of them.  Thank goodness for google maps.

We found the park at the edge of a very industrial area.  Concrete and asphalt seemed to be more abundant that flowers.   The small sign located at the edge of this area offered little inspiration for the beauty which lay beyond.  We followed a path which passed under an arch of orange berries, inviting us into the gardens.  This turned out to be a best kept secret type of adventure and I hope the locals will one day realize what a gem they have.

   

The three acre garden was developed to heal the land and “educate the public on the importance of native plants for preserving water quality and supporting ecosystems”.  Since replanting with natives was something I have been trying to do in my own gardens, we decided it was worth a few minutes exploration.

The city began removing refuse from an old dump site in 1997.  Over the years, the area was replaced with plants native to Michigan.  Native plants tend to need less care.  Their roots can grow up to several feet as they reach deep for water and nutrients.  Some people call them weeds but seeing a native garden in a structured format we are reminded how very beautiful these plants can be.  Native plants will always attract butterflies and wildlife as they work to create a full circle of life.

Visiting in the fall and toward the end of the day, we had the place to ourselves as we meandered through each of the 11 gardens.  With hoses strewn across the paths instead of in-ground sprinklers, in many ways it was like visiting a neighbors garden.  Unlike touring a Botanical Garden, the structure is loose but great care has actually been taken.  From songbirds, to hummingbirds, to butterflies many of the gardens have been planted specifically to support a particular type of wildlife.

   

Other gardens such as the herb garden and the Seed to Harvest garden have been planted to support a youth education program and grow foods for the less fortunate.  This area also features a home compost demonstration site geared toward educating people on how they can compost kitchen scraps and yard trimmings in their own backyard.  We had arrived at the end of the harvest season, so didn’t see a lot of the food which had been grown but the tender loving care given to each garden is apparent.

Some areas such as the Children’s Garden are planted to invite you to play in a riot of colors, smells and textures meant to stimulate the senses.  We embraced our youth as we hid from each other in the arborvitae maze.

     

We notice a stage set along a forest edge, we can only imagine the family memories waiting to made in this special place.  What a great setting for a picnic.

With the sun beginning to set, our adventure comes to a close.  As we head towards the car, we reflect on the beauty we had seen in the Demonstration Gardens.  This had been a terrific way to end the day.  The colors, patterns and variety had indeed made us pause and  play.

As I hold my husbands hand I  also reflect on taking time to do this activity, it would have been easy to skip it.  I am filled with “gratitude” for this man.  We have been married 38 years, marriage can grow very routine over time.  I marvel that Alan is so willing to play the alphabet game, to continue to explore and discover together.  I hope  there are still many memories to make.  We have both come to realize that every day can be an adventure, if we choose to make it that way.

Today we had gained a greater appreciation for what others call weeds.  I guess it is all in the way you look at the world. Marriage and relationships are like gardens, they must be nurtured and tended.  Some will see weeds, others will find beauty, it is all perspective.

Holding hands, we pass under the berry arch on our way back to the car.  We are once again thrown into the reality of urbanization but like these gardens, I realize it is up to us to always strive to remove the toxins from our lives and replace them with beauty.  We need only to plant the seeds.

   

 

The gardens may be found at:

Corner of Cross St. and Livingston Blvd.                                                                                                                                                                                                  Gaylord, MI 49735                                                                                                                                                                             (989) 732-4021